Growing pains
When you make a decision to change your life, leaving what is known will inevitably come with growing pains. Pain is not an indicator to return to what is known.
Even when what is known is undesirable, the familiarity of it makes it comfortable. It seems safe in its own warped way. Fear of the unknown is a tale as old as time.
I think that it’s a common experience to feel lonely and lost in your 20s. Life is changing and whether your loneliness comes from actual absence of friends or from feeling unknown by the people around you, it is complex to navigate. Coming on the heals of college where you spend all your time surrounded by peers, friends or not, it is a culture shock to find yourself back in your childhood bedroom, or in a new location away from everyone you know.
Suddenly the friends you have are scattered around, and so there’s this strange dichotomy of having such solid relationships but still not having people to go on random errands with or spend a Wednesday evening with. This adds to the dilemma because what you’re craving isn’t necessarily more friends, that plate feels full with the relationships you want to maintain, but people to share life with.
As I’ve shifted in that stage myself I’ve become more comfortable with it. I think loneliness is one of the greatest gifts because it pushes you to wrestle with yourself. We love the distraction that others offer, but sometimes what we most need is to process why we aren’t okay being alone with ourselves. I’ve talked before on here about my own experience with learning to like spending time with myself, but I think it’s more essential than we acknowledge. You will never escape spending time with yourself. Push on the thoughts why that is so uncomfortable to you.
It doesn’t feel great when you feel lonely and confused. There is so much weight with being in your 20s - what am I doing with my life? Is this where I want to locate? Who do I want to be? Who are my friends? I feel so behind…the list doesn’t stop. But growth requires you to face those thoughts. If you choose to tap out of what you’re facing it won’t just go away. You’ll face those questions someday. Running backwards only means you’ll have to start over someday.
Growth can be really painful. But sometimes the most painful things are the most worth it.
